


Let Me Die

by LoveFandoms828



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Behind Blue Eyes, Bleeding Out, Blood, Bromance, Crying, Cuddling and comforting, Cuts, Cutting, Depressed!Clay, Embrace, Emotional, Eventual Fluff, Feelings, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night, Nightmares, References to Depression, Sad, Self-Harm, Silence, Slight Clony, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tears, Tony is worried and concerned, Warm, he takes care of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 11:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveFandoms828/pseuds/LoveFandoms828
Summary: ‘I'm feelin' lost and I don't know where else to go now. I don't really have a place to call my home now. Everybody hatin' and I feel so cold now. Why do everybody make me feel alone like. I've got so much shit to say. Baby take me from this place. I just really cannot stay. Tears are falling down my face. I feel colder every day. Know they want me out their way. I'll be gone, I'll be okay. I just need some fucking space. I walk by I feel them hate. Wanna die cause I relate. Wanna cry I feel insane. I get high but I can't escape. Would they love me If I change? Am I lost? Am I too late? Soon I'm dead I cannot wait. Please don't love me it's a waste. Wanna die so fucking bad. You're the best I've ever had. Wanna die when I look back. Cause you always made me sad. Can't get over shit I'm done. Nothing helps I'm fucking numb. I've been hurting for so long. I've been dying all along. When it's time just let me die. I'm so tired of this life.’Clay is depressed and having suicidal thoughts. He's filled with sadness. Although, Tony is there for him. Before it's too late.





	Let Me Die

**Author's Note:**

> I have only just finished season 1 of 13 Reasons Why [I know that I'm hella late xD], but I had the need to write.
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy reading this one-shot of mine 💙 
> 
> Warning 🔪 - angsty, thoughts of suicide, self harm, cutting, nightmares, also probably slightly out of character (sorry about that, if it is).
> 
> 'Will you end my pain? Will you take my life? Will you bleed me out? Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? While I'm falling apart. While I'm going insane. Will you tear my skin? Can you feel my sin? I'm a waste of life, I should just kill myself. Yeah, I could slit my wrists, but it really wouldn't help. Wouldn't fix my issues, or change your mind. 'Cause I broke your heart and you buried mine. Now, I'm six feet deep and I can't breathe. I got dirt in my eyes and blood on my sleeves. But I dig my way up through. So I can get some air, so I can finally breathe. And now I'm on my knees, oh baby, begging please. Will you. Will you. Will you end my pain? Will you take my life? Will you bleed me out? Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? While I'm falling apart.' 
> 
> Inspired by these songs -   
> Broken ~ Lund & Let me die ~ Lil happy lil sad

It's been a few months since Hannah's death and all the drama that happened after it.

 

And Clay is still not over it. Instead of acting out on his emotions, with anger and sadness, like he did before. He just kept it to himself now. He pretended like he was okay again. Like he thought Hannah had did as well.

 

Clay felt just as emotionless and empty, as she did. He started to not care, about himself or life. Just like Hannah, although he didn't know how to tell someone. Anyone. Not even his best friend, who he's very close with, which is Tony.

 

He didn't want to bother him. He was feeling like he should just disappear. So that he wouldn't be a problem or burden on others around him.

 

Clay heard a voice. It sounded like Hannah's voice, calling out his name.

 

“ _Clay._ ”

 

But, it was just his mother.

 

Clay shaked his head, snapping out of it. He gets up, telling her that he was gonna take a shower. He walks into the bathroom, after being reminded to come down and eat dinner when he is done by his mother. He nodded, closing the door behind him.

 

He takes off his clothes, stripping himself bare.

 

Clay looked at himself, in the mirror. He stared at the scars on his face and those blue eyes.

 

Then, he gets in the shower and turned it on.

 

He lets the warm water fall down his pale body and white skin. He slowly got deep in his thoughts again. He let his mind get faded.

 

Everything felt cold around his heart.

 

Why was he truly feeling this way?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

**An hour later -**

 

It was night now, darker out again.

 

After awhile, Clay had got out and puts a towel around his waist. He goes back in his room. He closes the door behind himself.

 

He was drying off and putting some clothes on.

 

Clay puts on a gray tank top with black boxers and sweatpants.

 

He gets in his bed, under the blankets. He puts his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and falls asleep. He was tired and sleepy, fully exhausted. He needed sleep, he knew it.

 

But, Clay was starting to have a nightmare. It was about Hannah again.

 

She was crying. She called out for help, as she reaches for him. It seemed like Clay couldn't get to her, no matter what he did. He tried talking to Hannah, but his voice came out like static, it fading a bit.

 

He saw that Hannah was now bloody and her eyes full of tears.

 

Clay wakes up, after that. He was shaking and sweating. He breathes, heavily and deeply.

 

He crawls out of these blankets, feeling too warm. He sat down, at the edge of his bed again, just like earlier.

 

Clay listened to his own breaths, as he stares into nothing.

 

He didn't have hallucinations anymore, but he still had nightmares about her.

 

Clay remembered when Tony saved him from jumping off that cliff and killing himself. He had talked him out of it.

 

He thought about that hug. It felt so good and warm. He also was thinking about if he had not listened and jumped anyway.

 

What if he disappeared? Would anyone care? Maybe..

 

If he wasn't here anymore.. He really wanted to die. He was hurting so badly inside. This sad feeling was already killing him.

 

Clay snapped out of these thoughts. He reached in the nightstand drawer, pulling out a knife. He ran his fingers down the sharp blade.

 

He had already locked his door, so he didn't need to worry about anyone coming in.

 

Besides his parents were out on a date, since it's been a long time that they've had one.

 

Clay wanted to hurt himself, to forget about everything. Especially the pain in his heart.

 

He puts that knife against a wrist. He cuts deep into his skin. He was cutting in each of his wrists. He lets out heavy breaths and pained noises.

 

Clay was breathing quietly. He let himself be numbed to the pain. He was staring, silently, at each bloody wrist. His blood dripped down his arms. It was dripping onto the ground. A shade of crimson red.

 

He dropped that blade. He was losing blood, so much of it. He thought about just letting himself die.

 

Then, he thought about Tony.

 

Clay was reaching out now, his hand gripped onto his phone. He went through his contacts and hits Tony's name. It dialed that number and made the call.

 

He puts the phone on his ear. His hand was shaky.

 

Clay was sure that his voice is gonna be shaking as well.

 

He heard it ring, until Tony picked up after a few seconds.

 

“Clay?”

 

“..T-Tony..” Clay's voice shaked. He struggled to get his friend’s name out. It was also filled with a silence. His voice being quieter than usual.

 

“Clay, what's wrong..? Are you okay..? What happened?” Tony asked him.

 

Clay could hear the concern in Tony's voice. He knew that the other male was worried about him.

 

“..I-I need you. Can you please come h-here..?”

 

“Ok, I will. I'II be right there, just hold on.” Tony hangs up, after saying that.

 

Clay drops his phone on the bed. He rested there and waited for Tony.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

**A few minutes later -**

 

Tony drives over, speeding in a fast pace. He could've been pulled over, but he didn't care.

 

He stopped his red mustang by Clay's house and got out. He runs in, after noticing that the front door was unlocked.

 

Tony was running upstairs, to his friend’s bedroom. He heard the eerie quietness that surrounded the darkness of the place, since all of the lights are off.

 

He tried to open the door to Clay's room. But he noticed that it was locked. He knocked on the door, loudly.

 

It was loud enough for Clay to hear him, he knows it.

 

“Clay?! It's me.”

 

Tony hears the noise of someone crawling across the floor and towards that door.

 

“I'm coming..” Was the weak sounding voice of his friend, it seemed like Clay is hurt as well.

 

Clay had unlocked the door.

 

Tony hears that and opens it. He saw Clay on the ground.

 

Clay crawled over to his bed again. He was leaning against it. He tries to get back on it.

 

Tony ran over. He helped his friend back on the bed, turning the other male around. He was looking at Clay’s wrists with wide eyes. He grabbed them, quickly and carefully.

 

He touched them, in a gentle way. Trying to stop the bleeding.

 

“F-Fuck, we need to call 911. You need help.”

 

“N-No..” Clay refused in a voice filled with sadness. He breathed, low and silent.

 

Tony's heart hurt hearing it. He moved away from him, to find something.

 

“Clay.. You told me that you were fine and you weren't gonna do something like this. That was obviously a lie. Shit.. why did you do this to yourself…?” Tony had a sad and quiet voice. He tried not to panic, as he searched around the room for the first aid kit, he knew that Clay has in there.

 

Clay didn't say anything to that. He stayed quiet.

 

Tony took a second to look over, making sure that Clay was still alive. Which he is. He sighed softly in relief, as he looked around again.

 

Clay was keeping himself from closing his eyes.

 

Tony finally found it, getting back over to him. He puts the kit on the bed and opened it. He poured disinfectant on a cloth, then wiped it on Clay’s wrists.

 

Clay hissed in pain and gritted his teeth. He breathes sharply.

 

“I know..” Tony said, sympathetically. He eyed him, during it.

 

After that, Tony wraps white bandages around each of Clay's wrists. Although, not too tightly. Just enough so that they'll stay on. He tied the end pieces as well.

 

These bandages were getting stained red with Clay's blood.

 

Tony frowned, saddened at the sight. He got closer and hugs him, wrapping his arms around Clay's body.

 

Clay let himself be held. He started crying, tears falling down from his eyes again. He cried on Tony's shoulder.

 

Tony lets him. His grip and hold on Clay had gentleness. “It's gonna be okay. Everything will be. It's alright. I promise. I'm here.” he whispered to him.

 

Clay felt a little bit better, knowing Tony was there for him.

 

Tony pulls apart, from that hug, for another second. To put that kit away, back in the desk drawer, near them.

 

He walked over again and gets on that bed, with him. He lays down with Clay.

 

There's a silence between them again. It was nice. They're in a dark room together, it felt peaceful.

 

Tony pulled him close. He had also wrapped his arms around him again, as he holds Clay. He hears Clay's breathing and now calm heartbeat.

 

Clay leaned against him, staying in Tony’s arms. He was loving that feeling of warmth on his skin, although he just thought it. He wouldn't say it. Not yet anyway.

 

Tony stared at Clay's blue eyes and takes in the other male's warm skin, also that scent he loved. He was holding him, gently. His stare was still on him, as he watched him, in a silent way.

 

Clay had fallen asleep, sleeping peacefully now.

 

Eventually, Tony closed his eyes, falling asleep with him. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this 💜
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on it ♡


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